Havdalah is a very powerful ritual, serving two main functions, both of which are about consciousness.
The one is to recognize that Shabbat (or other holiday which ends with Havdalah), with its specialness is ending and we are about to enter back into the work-week, the routine. If we used Shabbat, MADE Shabbat, did the work of Shabbat, then we can, if we are conscious about the transition, take some of that Soul-work back into the routine and elevate it just a bit.
And that is the second function -- to transition some of that specialness, the relationship with the Divine into our daily lives.
The instruments or tools that are needed to do a Havdalah ritual include:
A glass of wine or grape juice
(or other 'guest worthy' beverage):
A candle having multiple wicks:
Some spices, often contained in a container:
The time for Havdalah is traditionally set for any
time after three stars can be seen in the sky.
The actual liturgy can be found in almost any siddur (prayer book).
Look for a copy of it here soon.
If you look up that service and want to make it a family ritual, I would suggest adding some personal touches to the time. One person could hold the wine (or juice), one person could hold the candle and one person the spices. A fourth person could be responsible for lighting the candle and a fifth for extinguishing the candle at the conclusion. A sixth might be the one responsible for verifying that 3 starts are clearly visible. These tasks might rotate from week to week as the family selects.
As the group gathers, the initial prayers and/or Elihayu Hanavi/Miryam Han'vi'ah might be sung.
Then ask each person for something special that they learned or thought about or that happened to them this Shabbat. Then sing the blessing over the wine without drinking it.
Ask each person what they want to carry forward from the Shabbat into the new week. Suggest that the smell of the spice permeate them with the kavanah, the intention, to take that spice into the week and say the blessing over the spices, passing the spices to each person to smell.
Then suggest that each person look carefully into the flame and say something short about what they see in the flame. Say the blessing over the aish, the fire, putting the fingers toward the flame (see the reflection off of the nails) and then cup the fingers back toward yourself and notice the shadow of the fingers in the hand and how it dances with the flicker of the flame.
Then say the blessing marking the actual separation of the Shabbat from the new week just emerging into the darkness of the night. Drink the wine (or juice) and slowly extinguish the flame.
Once the flame is out, joyous singing is quite the norm -- enjoy! We now have a full week to prepare for the next arrival of Shabbat!
